• Category Archives habits
  • Habits

    Habits are wonderful and habits can undo you! Ridding oneself of the bad ones and developing new ones is just plain hard work. When habits are good, they assist you in accomplishing even more because they free up the little bit of will power that is granted for the day. You can focus your will power on a goal rather than blow it to working your way through a “to-do” list. Unlike phone plans there doesn’t seem to be any roll over to build up will power points.

    I used to have some excellent habits in organizing my life, accomplishing the work I needed to do, and still have time left for some fun activities and contributing to my community. Then the MS hit and annihilated  all my good habits.

    When the brain fog mostly cleared and I could see the crumbled mess of my life and my home…dust buffaloes roaming freely through the house! I began comparing the old self with the new self–bad idea. It added to the downward spiral and the new bad self-image, It depleted an already severely weakened self-worth. Comparison works like a black hole and sucks up precious will power. Oy!

    I spend a majority of most days in my recliner…so I watch lots of video presentations. One I found particularly helpful. The presenter, Eban Pagan, told of a man who had  two large rocks, a whole bunch of smaller rocks, some pebbles and some sand to put in a tank…first the sand and pebbles, then the small rocks. When he tried to put the two big rocks in there was not enough room. But when he did it the other way around–put in the two big rocks, placed the smaller ones around them, then the pebbles, viola! the sand slid down between and around them all and there was plenty of room for everything.

    Aha! I had found my plan…identify my two big rocks and make sure I do them before anything else. I am aiming for these to be two-hour blocks. All the other tasks will fit around them and if something of a small rock or pebble size is not done it is no big deal. Each day I have identified one house work item per day as a “big rock” and writing as my second “big rock.” My goal is to make sure those “big rock” time blocks are uninterrupted. After that I am very interruptible, if that’s a word! If I can develop some strong habits around time flow it will free up the will power that is poured for me daily, some days a thimble full and some days a tea cup. If I can build a strong habit, I won’t have to use up the will power to think through what needs to be done next. It is already a habit. It might work!

    Michael Hyatt is a writing mentor I read and follow as I can. He says having a companion while you are in the “messy middle” (before you reach a goal) makes is much easier to accomplish. Thanking God for helping me see a way out! I’d love to hear how God brought you out of an impossible situation. Let’s help each other.

    shedding a little light…Carol A. Brown

    www.fromgodsheart.com  Author of The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity and Highly Sensitive.

     

     


  • 2 More Actions to take for Identity Repair

    In my last post I gave you three things you can do
    to repair holes in your identity:

    ·       Start
    including people and thus make a “zone of belonging”

    ·       Take
    the risk of relationships

    ·       Wash
    your mind, soul and spirit with Scripture

    You have taken the risk of relationship and it
    turned out just as badly as before—you still got a pick slip, the “friend” you
    thought was trustworthy betrayed you and you were still passed over, were not
    seen. Now you are beating up on yourself for trusting, thinking this time will be different, for being so gullible.

    There is more going on here than gullibility—there
    are some powerful laws of God in operation. To learn how to make the laws work for you
    rather than against you, try taking these two actions, but be forewarned—they
    require time and commitment.

    The
    Root of the problem
    is most often the angry, bitter
    responses to hurtful events and attitudes when you were growing up that become
    habitual. When we are hurt we tend
    to want to hurt back, or withdraw and cut off relationship but still smolder
    inside. We give ourselves a good talking to, do battle with feeling stupid and
    thinking we should have known better! We put up protective walls and promise ourselves
    we will never do that again.

    When hurt happens repeatedly we learn to expect that
    life hurts and that you have to be cautious and careful. And then we grow up
    and forget about the hurtful events and the decisions and declarations we made.
    Old hurts seal over like an abscess, but the infection is still there. Years
    later a new situation arises with similar characteristics and the old hurt
    starts to leak and affect the new relationship, but you were tentative about
    relationships anyway, right? No one tells us that when we do these things that we set
    absolute laws that work every time in motion. Those laws of nature keep that same kind of hurt coming our way!

    I don’t know why we didn’t see it before. With the
    laws of physics and gravity and propulsion we can send the robot Curiosity to
    Mars. Those same absolute laws work in relationships. What’s the difference
    between “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” and “Give,
    and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured
    into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Luke
    6:38) So if we radiate caution and lack of trust the laws of nature tell us
    that we can expect people to respond in kind!

    If you have a pattern of loosing jobs, friends
    turning on you or being invisible—what is the root of it? The details vary from
    person to person, but the reason it keeps happening is that somewhere along the
    way that law was tripped into action. Sometimes people on their own can track
    back to where it started, but this is where an inner healing counselor can be a
    great help! And that is the first of the two more things you can do to repair
    old problems and build new habits and expectations.

    SOLUTION—Get Help!

    When there is a pattern—when the same kind of thing
    keeps repeating such as abuse, abandonment or betrayal, unfaithfulness—there
    is usually an old wound that is causing you problems. Find a counselor who is
    aligned with Jesus and faithful to His ways who can help you track it down. I
    suggest you follow the pattern to its source, but you don’t need to dig up the
    entire back yard of your life looking for every “root of bitterness” that might
    possibly be there! See Hebrews 12:15. Once you tend to the raw area, go about
    your life; as you bump into another wound, anger, resentment, receive healing
    for it. Don’t take the attitude that you must “have it all together” before you
    can take your place in God’s Special Forces. You can serve Him while in
    process. Embrace your high sensitivity, with your burden bearing capacity as a
    lifestyle. Engage the struggle to change where God shows you change is needed.
    Take the risks of relationships, develop the disciplines He assigns you, and
    deal with the inner healing needs as they present themselves.[1]

    Once the causes of the problems are removed, you
    need to build new habits and expectations that will hold the truth. You do that
    by finding new faces!

    Find
    New Faces

    The final thing you can do to repair your identity
    is much harder, but worth the effort. Find
    some new faces
    to look at! Not
    just any face will do. What you see reflected in the new faces needs to align
    with the picture you see in Scripture. The face must also radiate the message,
    “I am happy to be with you, regardless of how you feel.” If a new face does not
    align with Scripture or does not appear to be happy to be with you, move on—and do not feel bad about it! The Lord’s
    will for you is to bloom, not wilt and fade away. You need to have your deficit
    of truth about yourself met, which means you need to be included—you need to
    belong.

    You will find some faces that meet these criteria,
    but for a variety of reasons, may not be able to consistently meet your needs. Explore the likelihood of their
    ability to be consistent. Some people have a workload, family responsibilities,
    and the like that make it unlikely that they would be able to be consistent.
    They may be willing, but right now, it would be better for them not to take on
    another relationship. It is very important to spend time exploring such issues
    with an individual who “holds promise.” You do not need or want to be in a
    situation where you expect to be consistently included, applauded, but are not.
    Another alternative is to negotiate and talk about expectations and come to an
    agreement ahead of time. Then when something “blows up,” you can go back and
    look at your expectations. If there is a commitment to the relationship and to
    you, your friendship will survive.

    God designed family to teach you who you are. If
    what you learned in your family was an untrue or unstable picture of yourself,
    allow God to create a new “group” who can teach you the truth about yourself.
    God wants to scoop you up and envelop you in the kind of hug that hugs your
    insides as well as your outside—that puts belonging in your spirit and
    emotions. Yes, you need to see God’s truth about you reflected in faces you can
    physically see, but do not stop there—look higher. Look into Jesus’ face, and
    into His eyes. Believe what you see there. It is the Truth!

    To implement these suggestions for identity repair, I suggest the
    following…
    • Purchase The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity and Highly Sensitive. You can get some help by
      yourself and/or with a friend while you are searching for a counselor
    ·      
    For help in
    finding a counselor familiar with inner healing—go to my website:
    www.fromgodsheart.com. Click on “links.” That will get you
    launched.

    ·      
    Contact me with
    questions. I’m always happy to help.
    Please let me know how the process goes with you so
    I can pray with and for you!

    Blessings,
    Carol



    [1]
    For more information on Inner Healing see the writings of author John Sandford.
    He has been a pioneer in the field.