• Category Archives Healing
  • Through The Wilderness, finding God’s presence when all seems lost


    If you have ever had a life altering event or trauma you have probably faced many of the same issues I did in regard to a sense of worth or value and purpose in life. Really questioning all of that and where God was in it and why He would allow such devastation.

    I love a quote that is attributed to Winston Churchill. “If you are going through hell, keep going!” We could say, if you are going through a wilderness, keep walking!” You will get through it if you keep moving. You will get through it if you do not lose heart and turn your back on God.

    And if you do keep moving through it with the Lord, you will come out the other side transformed. People may not recognize you!  “Who is this coming up from the wilderness like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense made from all the spices of the merchant?” Song of Songs 3:6

    Some topics covered are:

    • After major losses, we will be different, but not necessarily ruined.
    • When we feel we are “on the shelf, use the “shelf time” to honor God and learn His ways.
    • The trouble with centering is that, like clay, we fight the hand that forms us.
    • When we turn to Jesus in our brokenness, He will take great care to bind us up in ways unique to our brokenness. He knows exactly the lines along which we break, so He knows how re-assemble us.
    • In Jesus we can have no fear or regret…once we see from His perspective. In His timing He allows us to see with His eyes, without condemnation. He knows when we are ready to see with understanding.
    • When we do not understand we can put our confusing circumstances and dilemmas on a “mystery shelf” as we wait in peace for God’s timing for revelation.
    • It may sound like a Christian cliché, but the joy of the Lord really is our strength!

    As soon as the technology finishes its processes, it will appear on Amazon and ebook distribution outlets. May you be encouraged as you slog through your wilderness.

    Shining a little light,  Carol

  • The Teaching Room

    morning in 2010 I had a tremendous “head spin”—the Lord took me somewhere.
    It appeared to be an “ante” room adjoining His throne room. This is a little teaching
    room where scribes come to take down the words of the Lord. We are to meet here
    daily and He will teach me. With the short term memory of a gnat I turned around and forgot, the Lord graciously helps me to “find” it this evening!

    The things I cannot understand I will put on the “mystery”
    shelf. Someday, Lord, You will restore the human spirit and brain to the capacity that
    Adam had. He could walk and talk with you face to face. My bandwidth has been
    severely limited because of the fall. Salvation can repair that to some degree,
    developing relationship with You to an additional degree, actively putting into
    practice what You teach me will repair me yet more. I will be fully restored
    only when face to face once again. Here is what was on God’s heart that day and
    these are the notes I took down.

    There are things about healing which the human mind cannot fathom. First
    understand that the bottom line is, I, God, am good and every good thing
    proceeds from My hand.

    Time is
    different in the spirit—actually there is neither time nor distance in the
    spirit. Now this blows my mind right here…I don’t have a place for that! I know how Nicodemus felt. Three sentences out of His mouth and I’m already lost! Sheesh! Time and distance are earthly constructs. I stand outside your time and
    I wait for the fullness of time. Healing out of time will have ramifications
    you cannot foresee.

    has consequences. Having to live with the consequences of sin–if forgiveness
    is received and a clean and contrite heart are maintained–the consequences can
    lead to maturity and depth of relationship. Consequences are sometimes
    developmentally necessary. If there were no consequences, a youngster who hurt
    himself in a foolish act would not have any incentive not to go out and do it
    again! They serve as a reminder, as a boundary. Remove the consequences and you
    lose the impetus to mature and deepen your relationship. I would much rather
    you develop our relationship with Me than be free of consequence, shallow and immature!
    I choose to put up with your moaning and groaning because I know it is all
    noise and does not affect the set of your will to lean into Me.
    I am so glad that the Lord looks on the heart and doesn’t listen to all my kvethching! Consequences are good for me? Okay. Like Arthur Burke says, “I never would have written the script this way, but since You have, I am choosing to believe You see something I don’t see, and from Your point of view this is good and right and loving. Therefore, I celebrate Your wisdom from my place of limited perspective.”
    I am compelled to take some Selah moments and think about these things. If you would like to share your Selah moment with the rest of us, I for one would be grateful.
    Blessings, Carol


  • Reader Feedback

    Just as I am struggling to come up with a balance in the midst of this major paradigm shift that the Lord has initiated and am tempted to hang up the writing career, I receive feedback from a reader of my books on burden bearing/high sensitivity. This gentleman was so helped–these kinds of letters keep me encouraged to wrestle on with this calling of the Lord to write. It goes a long way to quench the desire to just give it all up and knit!

    Here it is: 

    The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity

    I was blessed when I was asked to review this book and give a
    testimonial of sorts.  Its impact on me
    has been awesome and continues to have its impact on me.  It amazes me how Jesus asked one of His
    sisters to write a book many years ago. 
    Being obedient the book is written.  
    And today it has literally saved my life many years later.  This is a book that was written from the
    heart and not the intellect.  It
    expresses the heart of the one who wrote it and the One who inspired it.  The difference between a testimony and a
    teaching is that teaching imparts knowledge which is stored and processed in
    the intellect.  A testimony, on the other
    hand, imparts the Life of Christ.  The
    book “The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity” is such a book that ministers the Life of
    Christ and isn’t an intellectual description of real events.

    In order to understand the impact that this book had on me you must
    have some understanding of where I was at when the Lord directed me to this
    book.  I am sixty years old. My entire
    life up to this point was nothing but suffering.  I don’t remember any good thing ever
    happening to me. I lost my childhood to traumatic amnesia.  I had the Job experience.  I didn’t just have a series of bad hair
    days.  Like Job I lost everything.  A year ago my wife died after a long
    illness.  My loss was the Lords gain.
    Having been married to her for 30 years it was quite devastating.  In the devastation, I died too.  Everything that held my life together was
    gone, including my religious beliefs.  It
    appeared to me that God had committed first degree murder.  Who did He murder? Me!  I died to self but it appeared as though God
    took it upon his self to deal with “me” without my consent.  I no longer had a reason to live.  After the initial shock of my wife’s death
    started to subside I realized that now I was free to live for God.   It is in this context that Lord directed me
    to this book. 

    The first thing that impacted in reading this book was how graphically
    it described my suffering.  It also
    pointed to the cause.  Empathy as it
    relates to burden bearing.  I was
    responding to these feelings that weren’t my own just as if they were
    mine.   The Lord was in the midst of it
    and large pieces of the picture of my life fell into place perfectly.  I finally understood what happened and why!!  This one thing is priceless!  For the first time in my life I stopped running
    away from my emotions.  The books also
    pointed out the right way to deal with these feelings.  I have heard it a thousand time cast your
    burdens to Jesus.  Now I understood what
    that meant.   I have learned that even
    though the context in the book is burden bearing, I take all my feelings to the
    Lord now and that I’m not supposed to hold on to those feelings in the first

    Another thing I discovered in this book was that no matter what the
    damage that was done, the Lord can bring healing.  It also mentioned the “enemy of my soul tried
    to remove anything that would indicate who I was” (paraphrase).  The first thing the Lord healed was the
    murder charge I laid on Him after my wife died. 
    I would not have accepted the evidence that the Lord provided of His
    innocence if it had not been for what I read in this book. No matter what the
    damage the Lord can bring healing.  Not
    only can He, He actually did bring healing!! 
    The devil came within a half
    inch of completely destroying me and the Lord brought healing.  It doesn’t get any worse than accusing the
    Lord of murder and meaning it with all my heart.  Needless to say after three months me and the
    Lord b
    ack together again and everything explained to my
    satisfaction. (it involved forgiveness and repentance

    High sensitivity (empathy) can be a burdensome gift when we do not understand what we are experiencing. When 70-80% of the general population is not highly sensitive you can see why they look at us and wonder what is wrong with us and urge us to “not be that way!” And in anguish we reply, “If only we could!” Our central nervous system is a design capability; it is hard wiring; it is part of our DNA. To fight against it or deny it is to turn away from our God-given design. To “hate” how I am is to hate what God has declared to be good, what He delights in. On our own the best we can do is to build defense mechanisms, coping strategies. But that leads to “existing” rather than living life abundantly.

    I don’t know about you, but I want to live life abundantly and experience the full capabilities of my design. I want to live out the purpose for which He designed me. If God has built me as a Ferarri, I say let’s learn how to drive this thing!

    Buckle up!  Carol

  • Camel Hair Shirt

               I don’t know about you, but camel hair shirts really
    give me a rash!  Maybe I’m allergic to
    camel hair. I hadn’t even realised I was
    wearing one until one day my writing partner suggested several radical measures
    to take on the piece I was writing. She
    was absolutely right, but after the call I carried on like the camel from which
    my shirt was made! I bellowed my
    objections that the load was too heavy. The way was too long. I moaned
    and groaned. I whined and carried on!

    Just as my lament was reaching its crescendo, the Lord
    stood before me. He didn’t raise His
    voice. There was no sarcasm in His
    tone. He just stood there as Commander
    in Chief, as Lord. And He said, “You
    said you wanted to learn everything I have to teach you.” The truth of His words took my breath
    away. In the spirit I saw myself fall to
    my knees. I was undone by my own
    words. He was right. Absolutely right!   

    When I first awakened after the initial long sleep of MS
    many people wanted to pray for my healing. I let them. When I was not healed right away, another round of caring folk suggested
    first this healer and then another. I
    went to hear some of them, but always had to leave before much of anything
    happened. I don’t know why healing can’t
    happen in the church before 9:00 or 10:00 p.m. 

    There was always this hesitancy in me . . . a kind of
    knowing that the Lord was going to use the MS somehow for His glory and my
    benefit. That doesn’t make sense, I
    know, but God’s logic is quite different from ours and His values turn ours on
    end. I didn’t understand either—still
    don’t. But I told someone that I wanted
    to “milk” this experience of the disease for all it was worth. I was not in a
    hurry to receive my healing because I wanted to learn everything God had to teach me during this time. I did not want to do another lap
    around Sinai.

    As the Lord repeated my own words to me, they hit with
    such a force I stopped mid-whine. The
    way He brought my own words back to me did something inside me. The whine was gone. All I could say was, “Yes, Lord.” I felt complaining was over and done—that I
    could rub on liniment when arduous work made me sore, but not complain? Never again!.

    That was when I realised that underneath the robe of
    righteousness the Lord had given me was a camel hair shirt. I asked the Him “Why the shirt? I can’t get it off.” He explained that He
    provided the resources I would need when I accepted His calling. I was incredulous! “I need this hot, smelly, irritating
    undershirt!?” He didn’t respond to the
    question, just kept talking. “Every calling has its task(s). You are to engage the tasks, but as you do,
    the tasks will work on you, building and shaping you into the fullness of the
    character of Christ. The work and
    disciplines of your calling are the camel hair shirt. The things in and about that calling which
    poke and irritate the flesh, these are my gift to you.

    I stood there with my mouth hanging open. If I understood Him correctly, writing and
    the rigours of MS are my “shirt” and if I am to learn all the Lord has to teach
    me, I will submit to those disciplines.
    I guess once a camel, always a camel. Sad to say, once the initial shock wore off, I have since then skated
    quite close to the edge of complaining.
    Like Rudyard Kipling”s camel, I have “humphed”.

    I find I move into the flesh in ways I was unaware
    of. The work, or the people with whom I
    live and work, poke and jab and my flesh is irritatingly brought to
    light—sometimes raw from the chaffing, like an untended saddle sore. I am thinking,  probably all flesh is allergic to camel hair.

    I am aware that I have a choice at this point. I can
    choose to forgive and heal, bring flesh to death in relationship to others and
    the Lord. I can submit to the
    disciplines of my calling, or I can moan and groan and carry on like a
    camel. I am finding that as I do the
    nasty work of bringing flesh to death, the camel hairs irritate less. The disciplines, the parameters of my calling—even
    the people with whom I work struggle against or struggle because they are not
    available—all become the banks through which my spirit flows. They define my limits and boundaries; but
    they are not barriers to restrict or hem me in. Rather, they give direction and purpose to my life. They become the avenues through which others
    are blessed—to God’s glory and my benefit.

    I am finding that when I begin to overheat it usually is
    not the camel hair shirt causing the problem. I tend to overheat when I move
    too quickly. I can’t seem to sprint down
    the lane set before me like an Olympic athlete—too much friction from my

    shirt. The hairs poke my flesh reminding
    me to not move that way. They encourage
    me to proceed at His pace, to stand straighter and walk taller, more like our
    Lord. That irritating gift keeps me on
    task—it helps me remember what it is I am doing and why.When I tire and collapse in a heap; when my
    shoulders melt down into my hips, my body doesn’t fit the shirt properly and
    the goofy thing starts poking.  When I
    lean into the flesh the camel hairs encourage me to straighten up, to move and
    walk in the ways of the Lord. But until
    I learn to submit to it, this darned camel hair shirt is going to keep on
    giving me a rash!

  • God Thoughts–Epiphany About Healing

    Welcome John 3:16 Blog Hoppers!

    We had a wonderful message at church Sunday; as a result I finally have the answer I have searched for all these 16 years of living with MS! “When is God going to heal me?” Within hours of sliding off the diagnosis bench that day in 1995 I put my spear in the ground and took my stance. I said, “I am not in any hurry to get my healing because I want to learn everything the Lord can teach me through this disease.” It has been a wild ride. Sometimes I have become tired because of the limitations of the disease; life would be so much simpler, easier, more fun and more productive if I were able to see correctly, move freely and had adequate energy. Still, I kept looking for the lessons of life so that I could share them with others, knowing that my having this disease was in some sense for the Body of Christ. Other times I said, “Okay, God. I know that You are all powerful. You are creative and not limited in your teaching methods. You can teach me the remaining things we all need to know by other means than solely by means of this disease! So–heal me! I’ve had enough already!”

    I also know that God’s time is kairos, not chronological and that He experiences time differently than we do…but what was/is He waiting for? Why not heal me right now? That is how Mary and Martha felt. Jesus answer to their asking “Why?” was that He waited for the time that would result in the most glory for His name (John11:41)! Raising Lazerus from the dead brought more glory than a simple healing. The question facing me is, “What will bring God the most glory–healing, or living the rest of my life with this disease joy filled and without loosing faith?” I do not know the answer to that question. But I know that I will be healed on the day that God will receive the most glory! If the most glory comes by my being faithful, gracious and joyful in spite of what the disease does to my body, then that will probably be the way we go! But I am also open to being completely healed, like yesterday and being willing to do what He says and go where He sends!

    I know that the day I asked Him for healing, He said “Yes!” It is there for me–I have not seen it yet. I have thought that I needed to do the hard work of learning the lessons He had/has for me and to do the hard work of exercise to build up muscles and nerves. And, when I had learned enough and prepared myself adequately that He would heal. I have been very alert to watch for lessons He could teach me. I work hard to build the habits of exercise. I not thinking that anymore. It is important work to do and I need to do it because I feel better when I do; but my healing does not hinge upon it. My healing hinges not on my efforts, but upon when God will receive the most glory.

    My focus has changed. Now I am alert for what is the next right thing; to follow His voice and do His bidding. My focus is not on the healing or lack thereof; it is on Him. I knew that on one level, but now on another. The light is beginning to dawn as to how Paul could be thankful for his affliction–because out of it God received great glory. A side effect was that he was conformed more and more into the image of Christ. And yes, there is a book coming about the lessons. It is almost ready to see the light of day.

    I would be honored if you would share out of your “blessed affliction.” And also be sure to leave your name and email address in the comment box if you would like to enter to win a set of burden bearing books that shed light on life as a highly sensitive person. You can learn more about them here: www.fromgodsheart.com

    Blessings, Carol

    Blog Hop Participants:

    1. Lorilyn Roberts (John 3:16 Network Blog)http://john316mn.blogspot.com/

    2. Lynn DoveWord Salt (Host blog)http://wordsalt.wordpress.com/

    5. Carol A. Brownhttp://porchlight.joystarters.com/

    6. April Gardnerhttp://www.aprilwgardner.com/

    8. Thomas Blubaughhttp://tomblubaugh.net/

    10. Heather Bixlerhttp://heatherbixler.com/

    11. Joy Hannabasshttp://splashesofjoy.wordpress.com/

    12. Deborah Batemanhttp://www.DeborahHBateman.com

    13. Kimberley Paynehttp://www.fitforfaith.blogspot.com/

    14. Rose McCauleyhttp://www.rosemccauley.blogspot.com

    16. Alice J. Wislerhttp://www.alicewisler.blogspot.com/

    17. Amanda Stephanhttp://www.thepriceoftrust.com/

    18. Saundra Daltonhttp://gracetolivefree.blogspot.com/

    21. Deborah McCarragherhttp://www.godmissionpossible.blogspot.com/

    22. Lorilyn Robertshttp://lorilynroberts.blogspot.com/

    24. Martin Rothhttp://www.military-orders.com

    25. Janet Perez Eckleshttp://www.janetperezeckles.com/blog

    26. Kenneth Wintershttp://www.lostcrownofcolonnade.com/

    27. Eddie Snipeshttp://www.eddiesnipes.com/

    29. Janalyn Voigthttp://janalynvoigt.com/

    32. Marcia Laycockhttp://www.writer-lee.blogspot.com/

    34. Nike Chillemi http://nikechillemi.wordpress.com/

    35. Elaine Marie Cooperhttp://wp.me/PVo1a-1vM

    36. Sidney W. Frosthttp://christianbookmobile.blogspot.ca/

    37. Jairus B. Kinghttp://ministerjking.blogspot.com

    38. Bill Burt http://kotbooks.blogspot.com/

    40. Bob Saffrin – http://bobsaffrin.com/

    42. Ray Lincolnhttp://blog.raywlincoln.com/

    44. Valerie Kinghttp://www.valeriekingbooks.com

    46. Pauline Creeden http://fatfreefaith.blogspot.com/

    47. Katherine Harms http://livingontilt.wordpress.com

    50. Melissa Main http://www.mainwriters.com/

    51. Kevin Mainhttp://mainchristianbooks.com/

    52. Sandy Humphreyhttp://www.kidscandoit.com/blog/

    54. Hallee Bridgemanhttp://www.bridgemanfamily.com/hallee